You be the anchor that keeps my feet on the ground; ♥
SARA I like beautiful melodies telling me terrible things. Tumblr & October 2011 November 2011 December 2011 January 2012 February 2012 March 2012 April 2012 May 2012 June 2012 July 2012 August 2012 September 2012 Credits ©Glamouresque.	Sunday, September 9, 2012 Maybe someday we'll see the reason why there's good in goodbye. 10:08 PM So I don't even know why I'm blogging right now. I have been talking to myself so much lately, I figured that it'd be better for me to place my thoughts into coherent sentences instead of leaving them in a jumbled mess in my head. That may also be influenced by the fact that I have just finished reading a book. Everytime I'm done with one I get this sudden urge to write. The reason for that is still very much a mystery to me. My books have become the perfect distraction for me. This week has been a very busy week, but not busy enough. I have to be doing something every single second of my life, so much till the point i dread going to sleep. This is to keep my mind from wandering to places I do not want to go to now. Going to sleep means having to put everything down and this results in a wild rush of thoughts that leave me shattered. This week, I have thrown myself into reading. Despite being out and about every single day, I have managed to get through 3 novels in the span of 7 days. Unfortunately though, however much my impulsive reading has helped keep me numb and distracted, it has been extensively bad for my wallet. Today, I read a book that cost me $20 in 4 hours. In another words, $20 gone in 4 hours. Then again, I suppose seeking solace from books is better than from alcohol. To all you alcoholics out there: Try reading, it is surprisingly therapeutic and for a change, does not land you in a rehab center.  Ha. Sorry, trying to make myself laugh.  Well anyway, this week was a complete blur. Had to do so many things, one of which was saying goodbye to Kimberly as she heads off to Manchester for uni. :( Met her 3 times in a span of 4 days, which is actually more than we normally meet in 4 months. Haha. How we've managed to stay in touch and relatively close all these years despite our busy schedules and differing social circles will remain a mystery to me, in a good way. I hope that we'll be able to keep this up in spite of her 4 years abroad. :) I guess saying goodbyes are never easy. Goodbyes stem from different reasons and circumstances. Some good, some bad. Some permanent, some temporary. Some easy, some tougher than others. Then there are those that are seemingly impossible.. However, as much as I detest saying goodbyes, there is no escaping them is there? I'm feeling so trapped these days. I just feel like running away, like escaping. From what? I haven't had the slightest clue. I feel suffocated, but not from anything or anyone I can think of. Maybe I'm being unfair, afterall I am surrounded by so many people who care for me. Maybe I' suffocating myself. I hate being out and about, yet I hate being at home. When I'm out, I am expected to put on nice clothes, a happy face and embody an even happier disposition. So I do. After an exhausting day of faking smiles, I come home for the second act. Staying strong infront of my parents is a thousand time more tiring than anybody else. They know me inside out. In the recent days though, I think they have given up asking me what's wrong. I feel like an awful daughter but I can't bring myself to do anything about it. I want to spend time with them, I really do, but at the moment I just appreciate solitary silence in my room a lot more. Given the choice, I'd rather not speak or interact with anyone at all. UGH. Forget that. Even if I am a failure at every single other aspect of my life, I can't and won't fail as a daughter. My parents are the only people in the world who love me unconditionally, so I shall step away from the wave of self pity that is currently impending to crash down upon me and go make some small talk with my dad. Going to have to learn to be alone without feeling lonely. Going to have to get my act together and stand up on my own two feet again. Going to have to know when to give up and move on. Goodbye. xx Tuesday, August 14, 2012 A broken piece of art put on display. 11:40 PM “For the human spirit is virtually indestructible, and its ability to rise from the ashes remains as long as the body draws breath.” - Alice Miller Came across this on the internet this afternoon. Inspirational quote, I have to say. Lifted one iota of my spirit on this weary day. I feel beaten up and kicked down. Worn out and tired out. I'm trying to be strong for my sake, and the sake of everyone around me. I have no longer been seeking solace in people, but have turned to songs instead. I don't want to be a burden. Learning to stand back up on my own. People come and go. People constantly, and will always fail each other. We hurt. We hurt each other, we hurt others, we hurt ourselves. We were made vulnerable, made to be able to feel pain. Emotions. We were made to feel, even though sometimes we just don't want to. Emotions are exhausting. "I would rather have love and lost, than not love at all." Really? People would rather feel hurt than feel nothing at all? I don't understand that, never will. Maybe it's just me. I'm sorry. I don't even know what I'm talking about anymore. I'm just typing the first thing that comes to my mind.. What if you can't talk to the only person that is capable of making you feel better? What do you do then?  I shall not dampen the mood of anyone reading this anymore. Shall keep my sorrows to myself.  Goodbye. xx
♥ I'll be the wings that keep your heart in the clouds.