You be the anchor that keeps my feet on the ground;
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SARA I like beautiful melodies telling me terrible things. Tumblr &
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Saturday, February 18, 2012
Down the road the sun is shining, in every cloud there's a silver lining. Just keep holding on.
6:12 PM And the crazy weekend packing commences.
So, I was packing and it suddenly struck me how much of a sentimental person I really am. There are things sitting around my house that I have not touched in years and they really bring back memories. I am having a really hard time packing as I can't seem to be able to pick out things to throw away. Everything, even things I have not looked at in ages, seem so precious and special of a sudden.
Most people are good at picking out things they need or want and putting aside the rest, never looking back. I find it almost impossible to do such a thing. Give me choices, and I have no idea how to make a decision. I really do not know how people are able to choose something and never look back to think about the opportunity costs, the "what-if"s, how things might have been if they had taken the other fork in the road. I know there is no such thing as having the best of both worlds and if you hold on to two things/people at once, you are bound to lose both of them. It's just, how do you make a choice without regret? How do you not look back?
I mean, I'm not saying that I have that many regrets, I just have a habit of looking back. I save all I can from my past. I have a whole drawer full of rings, letters, hearts and random knicks-knacks from different people through out the years. I can't bring myself to throw any of them away even though most of those people don't mean that much to me anymore. Most of them are just acquaintances and people I barely talk to. Nevertheless, I think that they were important my life once and all had a part in moulding me into who I am today. Basically, those were significant "souvenirs" I received from people who once meant the world to me.
See, relationships and friendships are funny things. Think of someone that means everything to you right now, in a few years, or even months, this person may become just someone you pass by in the hallway. I'm not trying to be pessimistic or anything here, I just.. I don't know. It really is just confusing how these things happen and why they happen. It's like a vicious cycle and it is slowly making me more afraid than ever to open up to people. I hate being vulnerable, I hate having my happiness controlled by someone else.
The scariest thing though, is that most of the time, what happens isn't anybody's fault. People change, circumstances change, flames die down. In the beginning, things always seem exciting, captivating, thrilling and sometimes even addictive. You get so preoccupied with this one person that nobody and nothing else seems to matter anymore. One day however, things will slow down. You will begin to withdraw yourself, no long being filled with anticipation or excitement. With time, this once all-consuming person becomes just someone you know and when you look back, you will not be able to pinpoint the moment when things started to turn around. And really, it isn't anyone's fault. Things like this are inevitable and unexplainable, it just happens. I've been through so many friendships like this, and ended up either getting hurt or hurting someone else. Sometimes I wonder if it's really worth it? But then again, no one really wants to be alone.
Wow okay, how did talking about packing bring me all the way here? I'm so sorry for making you read that whole bunch of stuff. Well, then again, who asked you to? :p Hahaha.
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Okay I just have one more thing to say to my best friend. (So the rest of you really don't have to read this.)
I know you are going through a really bad period now, and I know you have a huge decision to make. Believe me, I've been there.. And I'm sure you know that, since you were there for me through out the whole episode. You gave me a lot of good advice while I was going through that period, and now you have almost an identical problem. Needless to say, I really don't think I am fit to guide you and to help you solve the issue.. You were the one with all the solutions. Haha.
Just remember, I know choosing between two people is never easy and you may be thinking of taking the easy way out by trying to hold on to both of them for as long as you possibly can.. But you know that's never going to work and you're going to end up losing and hurting everyone.
In all honesty though, you know what they say. "If you are in love with two people, always choose the second. 'Cuz if you were really in love with the first you wouldn't have fallen for the other." It ultimately is your choice though. I know you'll make the right one. :)
Here are two quotes from How I Met Your Mother that made me think of you:
"I don't wanna be choosing between two girls, I wanna be a complete head over heels idiot for one." - Ted Mosby
"If you have chemistry, you only need one other thing- timing, but timing's a bitch." - Robin Scherbatsky
You always dedicate blog posts to me and your other friends when they need cheering up, so this is for you.
I love you and I will always be here for you. <3 <3
Goodbye.
xx Wednesday, February 15, 2012
Someone please sing this love sick melody.
10:36 PM Hello guys, happy total defense day. HAHAHA. Bet many of you had no idea today is total defense day RIGHT? :p I had no idea either till Vinder told me yesterday... Hahaha. So I shall start blogging more so I don't have to update one whole big chunk at the end of the week.. Let's start with Tuesday. It was Valentines Day, as you all know. Was quite a good day actually, even without a date! :) School started at 11am, got back CRS test and project results. Both were actually kind of disappointing, but oh well, at least we still have our exams to pull us up! :) After CRS went for lunch and then to the library to study with Matt and Teng Yao. Shas and Vinder came a few hours later. We were in the library for like, close to 4 hours? I hardly studied though. SO PATHETIC RIGHT? Studying. On Valentines Day. Hahaha. It was fun though, kinda? Just talked a lot of nonsense for 4 hours. :O At 5, TY and I headed off to City Hall as we were supposed to go to Timbre @ Substation to meet some other friends. Guess how long we took to teach City Hall from school? TWO DAMN HOURS. Not even kidding! We took 518 and got stuck in a jam for ONE AND A HALF HOURS. It took us ONE AND A HALF HOURS to get to Novena, a journey that usually takes 20mins at most. So we gave up, got off at Novena and took the MRT down to Raffles Place. So earlier I said we were supposed to go to Timbre @ Substation right? Well there was some miscommunication and Mandy ended up in the one at Arts House instead HAHA. So yeah we dropped off at Raffles Place to walk there. Met Yi Ting, Sherman, Qin Xian, Anita, Mandy, Linsay and Michelle there. :) Such a random bunch of people right? Haha. So anyway, had an awesome Valentines Day with them! :) <3 Today I met Joel, Hui Juan and Yue Keat for our weekly lunch meet up. I'm really so thankful that we are able to meet up once a week for lunch despite our really busy schedules. :') I really love my best friends so much. I have no idea what I'd do without them. So, this afternoon I "forced" Joel to text XX first. SO HILARIOUS. Y'know us girls always fret and think WAYYY too much about texting a guy first and all. We have to think of a PERFECT excuse just to text the guy and stuff? IT WAS SO EYE OPENING LOOKING AT A GUY DO THE SAME THING. I really had NO idea guys felt this way too. Hahaha. Okay wait, I don't mean ALL guys feel this way, I know quite a number of guys who do not even think twice about texting a girl. I'm just saying that there ARE shy guys out there, and if you're dating someone like my best friend, you girls are going to HAVE to make the first move 'cuz there's NO WAY he's EVER going to do it. HAHA. Then again, if a guy doesn't text you it may just be because he's not interested at all. YOU SEE HOW HARD IT IS TO DECIPHER GUYS!? So guys, stop complaining that we are hard to understand, you guys are just as difficult to read. HOKAAAAY, moving on. So, exams are next week. I better start studying soon.. I always tend to leave studying to the last minute. Such a bad habit. These few weeks have been tough, with rapidly changing periods of ups and downs. Really, this isn't fun anymore. I'm getting tired. No wait, I AM tired. I really feel like being alone, but I'm also afraid of feeling lonely. I think I have always been afraid of feeling lonely and that's why for so many years I've been making all sorts of mistakes I shouldn't have made and hurting all sorts people I shouldn't have hurt, including myself. "I'm finding out in the hardest way the consequence of every mistake I've ever made. Baby, what's it like to be alone? I don't wanna know, I don't wanna know." I wish I was a bear so I could hibernate. Then again, winter's over.. So yeah. Maybe I'll fly over to Australia and hibernate during their winter? Since it's going to be winter soon? Okay that was lame. OH WELL. Hehe. Alright I shall stop here, this has been a really long post. Goodnight. xx Saturday, February 11, 2012
I catch my breath, the one you took the moment you entered the room.
12:09 AM I'm back! SORRY FOR DISAPPEARING AGAIN. Hahaha I have just had no time at all! Really. I'll try to post more, I promise!! The crazy weeks are OFFICIALLY OVER. Just left with TTB test next Friday and our 2 exams! After that, I can finally relax and REST. I really need to find a job though, 'CUZ I NEED TO SHOP. Like really desperately. Ever since this semester started, I have been shopping REALLY LITTLE. Hate having to wear the same things to school over and over again!! >:( I'm too lazy to blog about the things I have been doing over the past 2 weeks hahaha. So if you're close to me, you'll probably already know... If not then you probably don't need to. :p So anyway, I'm going to watch Wicked tomorrow (Or today? Since it's past 12am so it's the 11th already?)!!! :D SUPER EXCITED. Have been looking forward to it since I got my tickets in December! :> After that gonna meet the girls for steamboat and drinks! Om nom nom. It's gonna be a good day! (I hope) Hahaha. Alright gonna go back to Tumblr for now :p Goodnight. xx |
♥
I'll be the wings that keep your heart in the clouds. |